He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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