Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
