i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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