She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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