I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize