Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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