too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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