i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
