I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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