Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
