you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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