I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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