One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
