I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
