If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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