I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She is in my trunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
