did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
vagina is talking i cant
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
