can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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