Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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