How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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