I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
