the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
