i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
