You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
