I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
