Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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