you have to choose: penises or morals?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
