That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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