Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
