so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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