wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
accomplished twins. life is a go
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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