I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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