The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
