What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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