your parents love me but you hate me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
