I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
