If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
