Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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