After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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