I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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