I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
