the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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