if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
