Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
