The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize