you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
