Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
be right there i have to get my cape
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
