That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
