the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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