i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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