Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
