Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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