and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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