so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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