anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
