I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
