i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
