When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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