Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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