i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
