I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
