Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pants are for mortals
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
