I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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