Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
