Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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