If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
