he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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