Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
