Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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