i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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