oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
