I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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