there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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