They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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