Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize