you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
