First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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