the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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