Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
