Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
